Its coming up so fast that I can almost taste it. It becomes a little surreal for me at this time of the year in so many ways. Most of the feeling stems back from when I was a kid, of course; as it is the same for almost everyone else as well, whether it be positive or negative. I used to love getting presents, and still do of course, but now that I'm older I seriously love watching family members open their stuff they get, especially the items I get them. Most of the time, I do try my best to get them things they need and want, while totally surprising them. I have a couple items that I know will generate that 'oh wow' factor in some of my family. At least I have my shopping long done and my wrapping almost completed this year. Can't wait.
In recent years, the surreal feelings of anticipation have been drowned out by other things in my life that are too complicated to post here. I don't know how else to put it, but I tended to be very selfish inwardly when it came to Christmas time. I always did my best to give to my family, but that's as far as it would go. I just shut myself off to everything and everyone else around me, but put on a brave face at Christmas time and did my best to enjoy myself and have fun.
Ever since last year's Tsumai, and then the whole fiasco with the Hurricanes in the gulf of Mexico, it really, really puts things in a clearer perspective. How selfish of me. How dare I feel bad for myself and the life I have been given, when these people have suffered a hundred times more than I - and continue to suffer. My thoughts and prayers have been drawn to them often, and I just wish there was something I could do more. Being powerless to do something physically to help these people in pain hurts, but I know that there are other ways, and I continue to try my best.
So while everyone is with their families this, take a moment or two to at least think of the emptiness and longing that some people are going through this time of the year. Even the troops in Iraq and Afghanistan need to be remembered...